My name is Kirsty and I have Depression…
So, I decided to “come out” publicly about having depression at the beginning of this year after a particularly stressful morning. I had simply had enough of keeping it to myself. Depression was affecting all aspects of my life (it still does of course) and manifesting particular behaviours that were being, I suspected, misinterpreted by those around me. I wanted to stop making feeble excuses as to why, for example, I wore sunglasses most of the time even indoors (“ha! combination of tiredness and vanity, darling!”. Well, it was a half truth) and why Id agree to social events such as birthdays and then bail or make my excuses early. I wanted to explain myself. I wanted to be understood. “Im not really fickle, pessimistic, weird or lazy everyone. I have depression and have had it for years now….”.
Initially, I only intended to write the occasional Facebook post explaining particular aspects to my friends every now and again. Not too much, just enough to help them understand a little. But I’ve found that the more I wrote the more I had to say. Writing about it publicly, explaining my depression to my friends and aquaintances has proven cathartic. Whether or not they understand (some struggle to. Its a complex and contradictory thing so I get it) and whether or not they responded to my posts (overwhelmingly positive from those who have) describing my depression out loud in this way has helped me find clarity and has allowed me to distingish between the complicated twisty, yucky emotions, thoughts, reactions and feelings and reach a better understanding of myself and what I’m going through. And with better understanding comes a better ability to put it into words…..
This is my first blog ever. And as my first blog post of my first blog ever I’m sure Im probably not going to do it right. Practice makes perfect and so Im hoping that as I get into this my posts will make for better reading. Time will tell, huh?