One More Light – One Year On

 

 

It’s the first anniversary since Chester Bennington passed. Considering how much his and the rest of Linkin Parks music has meant to me over the years I wanted to do or say something poignant and intelligent  to…well, “honour” him I suppose. To make known my sorrow for the loss of him.

But I find I can’t

I wanted to do something a year ago too, and also found I couldn’t

I couldnt articulate, couldn’t convey, couldn’t express myself on this effectively

I still can’t

I was just sad. Really really sad. And today I am still, quite simply, really sad about it

That’s all I find I can say and it feels so inadequate

I can tell you that I shed tears over Chester last year, and that his has been the only celebrity death to affect me in such away. Because of how much his and the rest of Linkin Parks  music has played role in the background of my life, I suppose it felt more personal than others of equal tragedy

I can say I was shocked.

And that I needed a hug from S when he came home. S, who is possibly the only person who might understand precisely the significance of LP in my life

I can tell you I spent about two weeks listening to Linkin Park on repeat again and again and again. That I slunk out into the garden to sit on the bench under our plum tree for an hour and listened to Numb and Crawling live over and over

I never knew him of course and I will never portray myself as if I did. I won’t make claims or statements as to his character because I’m in no position at all to do so. I won’t disrespect him or his loved ones by acting as if their tragedy is mine. It’s not, and my “sadness” cannot compare to how his death would have affected them. Thats not me invalidating my emotions by the way, its a plain truth

To be very honest even as a fan I knew very little about him or his life as I’ve never been one for going into fandoms obsessively, no matter how much I might love them
Im not an artist. I can’t claim he influenced my works
I have nothing profound, insightful or particularly useful to say on the subject of suicide, having never experienced suicidal thoughts or urges myself and it – thankfully- never having touched my life. I feel as if I have a marginally better understanding of those who do since my excessive readings on mental health and since my volunteer work with 1in4 but I wouldn’t dream of even beginning to try and comment on such a serious issue without full confidence in my ability to do so. That would be irresponsible, I feel.

But Chesters art was powerful emotive unique and beautiful. It never failed to make me feel intensely; I ache when I listen to it. It resonated with me hugely as it did with so many others across the globe

Much Love
Kirsty