So I’ve read back my last two posts and, probably because I still feel “Up” from this afternoon and my head is clearer I realised I probably sound selfish, spoiled and lazy
”So all she did today was drink coffee, shop and take a shower??? And she’s complaining??? What a cow”
The best way I can try and put it into perspective at the moment is this. Imagine if you can trying to complete your daily tasks with weights tied to your limbs. You’ll get pretty damn tired pretty damn quick. And your muscles will start to ache. They may even start to burn with the strain. Even if all you’re doing is pottering around your house or walking around a shop. Everything you’ll do will feel soooo heavy. You’ll probably be quite grumpy about it after a bit. Or perhaps too exhausted to even be grumpy. Imagine trying to drag those weights into the shower with you. It takes an effort. That’s what it’s like for me when I say I have no energy.
And there’s very little conscious control over it. Here’s another analogy for you; imagine a switch in your head on a random timer that you can’t reset. It’s switching on and off at will, with no clear pattern or logic. That’s how Depression is. Sometimes, it’s a flick switch and sudden. Other times it’s gradual like a dimmer switch
If you’re struggling to imagine this then don’t worry. Right now, because I’m feeling better, even I’m struggling to remember why I felt so bad this morning. It’s a difficult concept to grasp unless you’re living in it. That’s why I often write about depression in the moment. When I’m not feeling down that’s when self doubt creeps in to say “What ARE you on about??? There’s nothing wrong with you. Look, all you did was drink coffee and shop today……”