Too Many People

There’s too too many people in the house this evening

By too many I mean there’s just us the usual four and one extra guest-My mother- who hasn’t been bother really but is a woman of quite dominating presence that is felt even when she only sits and watches TV without saying anything.

I removed myself to upstairs but now S and the children are upstairs too and I just want space to be left alone. There’s busy noise and movement everywhere and it’s grating on me

And if I were to move downstairs my mother and the show she’s watching Will press and grate on me until I feel demented with silent suppressed  frustration. I won’t feel soothed or at ease.  So that’s not an option

There’s too many people tonight and its oppressive

I feel claustrophobic

I want to shout “LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!”

I want to bust out of here and fly away….but I have no idea where

S comes upstairs and makes snarky remarks at me. Probably testing to see if I’m still *mentally* in the room or not. Or perhaps just being a bit of a Dick

I need head space, there’s no room for me and my thoughts here

I need to breathe freely. To move without bumping into things. I need to run. I need to dance. I need to fly.

Theres too many people in this house tonight

I fear I might burst

Everything grates

I love them all, of course I do

But I can’t move, can’t rest, can’t breathe, can’t be…

Theres too many people in the house yet I feel so lonely

I want to be left alone, but I don’t want to feel lonely

I can’t run. I can’t fly. I can’t break free from here, at least not right at this moment.

I might just shut down until the morning

 

 

 

 

Much Love 

Kirsty