Too Many People
There’s too too many people in the house this evening
By too many I mean there’s just us the usual four and one extra guest-My mother- who hasn’t been bother really but is a woman of quite dominating presence that is felt even when she only sits and watches TV without saying anything.
I removed myself to upstairs but now S and the children are upstairs too and I just want space to be left alone. There’s busy noise and movement everywhere and it’s grating on me
And if I were to move downstairs my mother and the show she’s watching Will press and grate on me until I feel demented with silent suppressed frustration. I won’t feel soothed or at ease. So that’s not an option
There’s too many people tonight and its oppressive
I feel claustrophobic
I want to shout “LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!”
I want to bust out of here and fly away….but I have no idea where
S comes upstairs and makes snarky remarks at me. Probably testing to see if I’m still *mentally* in the room or not. Or perhaps just being a bit of a Dick
I need head space, there’s no room for me and my thoughts here
I need to breathe freely. To move without bumping into things. I need to run. I need to dance. I need to fly.
Theres too many people in this house tonight
I fear I might burst
I love them all, of course I do
But I can’t move, can’t rest, can’t breathe, can’t be…
Theres too many people in the house yet I feel so lonely
I want to be left alone, but I don’t want to feel lonely
I can’t run. I can’t fly. I can’t break free from here, at least not right at this moment.
I might just shut down until the morning